I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He better not be in your backpack
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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