Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
there was a trapeze. enough said
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
