It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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