Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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