dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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