So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
