u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize
