Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Dignity is for republicans.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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