just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
