There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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