Your face is a jimmy john
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
