Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
