I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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