i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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