Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
