Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
