chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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