i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize
