Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
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