Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
