just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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