hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
two words...techno handjob
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
