I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
My liver just had a heart attack.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
