He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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