I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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