The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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