last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
