So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
