Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I have aggressive nipples.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
