this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
