i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
