FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
