can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
