she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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