Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
