Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
we're making bets on your personal life
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
