Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
