well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
