Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
