Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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