yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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