I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
