you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
