I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
