he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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