My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
