i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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