The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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