Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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