Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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