also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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