I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
