I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Randomize
