went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
